Hoarded Feelings

“Heart are often broke by unspoken words.” | “But heart are also often broke by spoken words.” | “Why do you keep doing this ?” | “What do I actually did ?” | “You came when I almost found someone who could light up my eyes just as bright as when you lighted it. But then you disrupted everything that almost happen.” | “Leave me alone, then.”

so here we are, at the edge of our encounter. i don't know what happened. i don't know why this thing happened. i don't know, cause you never tell. and would never will. there are so many questions that keeps bumping up in my thought. reasons after explanation wouldn't be clear enough to explain everything, to satisfy my rocked mind.

topics after topics, and finally running out of one. laughter after laughter, and finally ended up with tears. tears. and these teardrops aren't even on the description of joy anymore. and not a single person could define what it is.

it keeps happening. all over again. years by years bypass. and we still could't learn. they say experience teaches you the best. so many experiences we've done through together. and this thing keep happens. all over again. are we the ones who's stupid or the experience taught us nothing ?

“and if I were you, I would just left him”

people around me just seems couldn't stop saying those things. they didn't get it. they'll never will. they don't get how once you love someone, and they came back, you just can't resists it, you just.... can't get over him that easily. eventho you know he'll dig the same hole, even bigger and deeper. and he'll push me down. down. until no one can see me. until no one can hear my screams. until..... i can't see the brightness of the sun.

"leave me alone," you said. and so i did. i won't. i won't bother try to find a topic. i won't. i won't bother capture every single sweet words that comes from your mouth. i won't. i won't bother to reply your super short chats. i won't. i won't bother waste my tears for someone like you. i won't........ if i could........................... but i couldn't.

so this is what happens when you keep your feeling all by yourself

Hoarded feelings. and so does it calls as.

p.s: since i'm an Indonesian, and i think that Raisa's song titled 'Terjebak Nostalgia' will fit this post the best. and this is my favorite verse in this song:

“but i couldn't feel the love, the love you gave to me. i'm stuck, in my room of nostalgia. everything that i feel for him, haven't been changed, even after he left me.”