“I swore I was fine” | “have you ever noticed that you always say that you were, not you are … ?”
Counting day after days. Counting days since the first day I love you. Hoping, wishing that one day you’ll notice and reflect the word to me. Wordless, when the truth is i have 17millions lines in my head. Keep all the dialogues in my head. Searching for the right time to pull all of those words out. Searching for an excuse just to delay the arrival time. When the truth is there’s no such thing as the right time, i just don’t have the guts. The guts to tell the truth. The guts to figure out. The guts to finally being happy, or sad. The guts to keep moving on to the next level.
Funny how no one ever made a novel or a movie about love just by one side. How movie and novel only have a happy ending. How they never tell us that sometimes love hurts. How the real life is cruel. How sometimes in life you’ll get ignored, rejected, unloved, hurt, but still running and still trying to catch someone. How sometimes you’re willing to jump from a mountain because he promised he’ll catch you, but no, he’s not there, but you already jumped. And after all those scratch you got around your body, you still stand up and run, running with those scratches on your body, because you think you can change his mind. Keep trying and running. Because no one warns you, that love could be that hurt. Because they only say that love is beautiful.
Looking at the mirror, never noticed that it wasn’t really a mirror, it was only a glass. A glass doesn’t reflect, it shows straight to the other side of the glass. But mirror, it reflects. A mirror is a love, while glass is love only by one side. We’re all been there. feeling unloved. Thought that you have something with someone, when the truth is it’s just your imagination.
Creating and arrange the lines in your mind. Hoping that one day, you’ll be having those lines with that someone. But no. it won’t. cause you give up. You know, love does hurts sometimes. But it even hurter when you don’t fight back. Yes maybe you fight, but have you ever declare the war itself ? have you ever told someone you like that you’ve been fighting for him ?
And you know, sometimes we win sometimes we lose. Expect for the best and fight with your best. But the best doesn’t always have to win. Believe. Believe that God already prepare the best for us. It doesn’t mean that we always have to be happy all-the-time. Sometimes we’re at the bottom, sometimes we’re up. And when you’re up, don’t be cocky. God could drag you down anytime God wants.
Take a minute to say thanks to God. Even in your worst days. Be thankful, that the least that could cheer you up J
p.s: re-read this post while listening to The Story Of Us by Taylor Swift. psst, she’s my favorite singer :P
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