Hoarded Feelings

“Heart are often broke by unspoken words.” | “But heart are also often broke by spoken words.” | “Why do you keep doing this ?” | “What do I actually did ?” | “You came when I almost found someone who could light up my eyes just as bright as when you lighted it. But then you disrupted everything that almost happen.” | “Leave me alone, then.”

so here we are, at the edge of our encounter. i don't know what happened. i don't know why this thing happened. i don't know, cause you never tell. and would never will. there are so many questions that keeps bumping up in my thought. reasons after explanation wouldn't be clear enough to explain everything, to satisfy my rocked mind.

topics after topics, and finally running out of one. laughter after laughter, and finally ended up with tears. tears. and these teardrops aren't even on the description of joy anymore. and not a single person could define what it is.

it keeps happening. all over again. years by years bypass. and we still could't learn. they say experience teaches you the best. so many experiences we've done through together. and this thing keep happens. all over again. are we the ones who's stupid or the experience taught us nothing ?

“and if I were you, I would just left him”

people around me just seems couldn't stop saying those things. they didn't get it. they'll never will. they don't get how once you love someone, and they came back, you just can't resists it, you just.... can't get over him that easily. eventho you know he'll dig the same hole, even bigger and deeper. and he'll push me down. down. until no one can see me. until no one can hear my screams. until..... i can't see the brightness of the sun.

"leave me alone," you said. and so i did. i won't. i won't bother try to find a topic. i won't. i won't bother capture every single sweet words that comes from your mouth. i won't. i won't bother to reply your super short chats. i won't. i won't bother waste my tears for someone like you. i won't........ if i could........................... but i couldn't.

so this is what happens when you keep your feeling all by yourself

Hoarded feelings. and so does it calls as.

p.s: since i'm an Indonesian, and i think that Raisa's song titled 'Terjebak Nostalgia' will fit this post the best. and this is my favorite verse in this song:

“but i couldn't feel the love, the love you gave to me. i'm stuck, in my room of nostalgia. everything that i feel for him, haven't been changed, even after he left me.”

Luck Is A Faithless Friend

“and so I wish the darkness will come into those who says we won’t make it through” | “and that the light will come into us” | “but wouldn’t it be unfair ?” | “what’s not fair ?” | “the fact that we’re shutting the whole world just to be together”

when all you've got is love, and you're rejecting your brain to take control. and you just let it be. would it be fair ? when you're rejecting your brain's calculation for the future because the magnitude is less than you're expecting it'd be. wouldn't it be wrong ? so then again, what's right ? and what's certain ?

when all the people telling you to stop crying and waiting for uncertainties when there's nothing which is fixed in this life. should i stop waiting and crying for the rest of my life ? wouldn't i be numb if i do so ?

"But luck will leave you cause it's a faithless friend. And in the end, when life has got you down, you've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around"

people telling me to stop loving him because in the end, he'll give me an enormous pain. because in the end, we'll broke up anyway. don't you see what's wrong with that line ? telling someone to stop loving their loved ones is like telling someone to stop surviving, because in the end, they'll die anyway.

and even if the whole world is disaccord with whatever happens between us, hold me tight, because just like what John Mayer said: 'Hope isn't something you create, it's something you let inside'

so let's give luck and hope a chance. lots of chance. and i'll let my feelings do the calculation. see how long it could lasts. it doesn't matter whether we'll make it through or not. cause like what you always told me, that the victory itself isn't really matter when you left no regrets in your heart.

so left me no regrets. let's laugh and cry together. laugh because we know we're right and they're wrong. and cry because we don't live in a perennial love and death is the only one who can create a far ravine between us.

p.s: do listen to 'Lost' by Michael Buble. isn't he charming ? :)

Transparent Prejudice

“And if I trust you to take my hand to direct me, will you hold me tight and sweep away my loneliness ? Will you let me go when I tell you to do so ?” | “What if I don’t want to let you go ? And what if I want to be your eternal preceptor ?” | “Then prove me that you’re feasible to be my exception. And make me feel the cushion in forever”

forever, a very enormous long term of time. the magnitude of forever itself scares the hell outta me. trying to define what it means. and the only thing that comes up into my bias is you. love comes up first, and followed by your name. imagining days after days without your appearance. counting days to finally see your smile. waiting for those gazes from your bright brown eyes to finally collides with my gaze. could it be you ? the one who makes me feel like forever even exist even when it's not ?

to be honest, the idea of having an intimate relationship with someone and spending the rest of my day, month, even year only with 1 person, frighten me. and my independence itself need to be deprived, simply just because he asked me to. how can someone guarantee me that i won't get bored to be with someone ? how can someone make a pledge to me that things will end up perfectly fit to where it should be ?

he's the one. the only one who can expunge my negative prejudice. the only one who can persuade me to have an intimate relationship, simply to dig his bias, simply to discover the side of him that no one even knows. the one, the only one who can makes me feel so safe to say that his eyes solemnly gaze at me. and as we fall apart, he convince me even more. and as we fell to each other, laying on the other side, hearing the sound of our laughter as the backsound, he made a vow. a vow i'll never forget. a vow that made me fall even deeper than i've ever fall, until no one can measure how deep i've fallen.

this is by far my most romantic post, you know, people who are fall in love doesn't need to find any other inspiration. cause you know, the love itself is the most massive inspiration you could ever get.

P.S: since loving him is easy, so please re-read and fathom my post while you're listening to "Loving You Is Easy" by Marie Digby. And yes, i hope we truly end up in the word of 'perennial' itself, chub :)

Friends, Lovers, Or Nothing

“You do realize that you need to stop waiting, you just don’t know how…” | “No, you’re wrong. I’m not on the waiting list anymore. I did realize that I need to stop waiting, so I stopped” | “you might has stopped waiting, but deep inside your heart you’re still hoping, aren’t you ?”

That’s the question I’d never be able to answer. Waiting or hoping. What’s the differences ? you’re either waiting or hoping. Funny, isn’t it ? How feelings could take over your logic. How no matter how many times love has let you down, you keep hoping and wanting for more. How no matter how many times this certain person ignores you, you keep hoping and waiting.

Funny. Even after all these times, I still can’t get him out of my mind while he never even once thinks about me. Funny. How no matter how rude he is being to me, I keep thinking about him. Funny. How he’s being my distraction while I’m being his disturber. Funny. How I always pray to God to make him mine while I never walk across his prayers. Funny, isn’t it ?

He’s the lyrics in every song that I sing. He’s the rhyme in every song that I hum. He’s the sun who gives light into my life. He’s the umbrella that keeps me dry when it’s raining, whether it’s pouring or drizzling. He’s the ink inside my pen. He’s the reason while I’m still wide awake after 12 a.m. He’s the reason why my teacher yells at me to put down my phone. He’s everything, and even more, that I could ever imagine to fulfill my needs, to sweep away my loneliness. He’s the only one that will never make me say “i should’ve listen to them when they said run as fast as i can”.

He’s the one. The only one. But loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way like yours is like using white ink on white paper. It’s invisible. Not a single word could be read. Not a single story could be written. But I do believe in my deepest heart that nothing is impossible. That nothing can’t be changed. I do, it just takes some times. I do believe that I’m stronger than I seem. I do believe that I can change his mid. I do. I do believe that I can wait for a little more. Little more, not many, not much.

Sometimes, you love someone so much that not even the truth can change your mind. Sometimes, you love someone so much until you’re willing to hurt yourself. So meet me where the sky touches the sea, and wait for me where the world begins. I love you.

p.s: re-read this post with Islands by Young The Giant playing in your iTunes

Time Has Brought My Heart To You

|| “How can I love when I'm afraid to fall ?” | “if you fall, he'll catch you” | “what if he wouldn't ?” | “Then I'll catch you” ||

when you've felt in love with someone too long, you started to forget. you forget how to move on, you forget how to make a relation with a boy, you forget how to attract boys, and mostly.... you forget how to fall in love, again. when you've felt in love with someone way too long, you thought that that feeling you have for him won't change, you thought that his feelings for you won't change too. and somehow, when you've felt in love with someone too long, you feel like he's your world, you thought that this world is that small, you thought you won't be able to live your life without him. trapped inside a small cubical that won't open its lock by its own.

when you've felt in love with someone too long, you thought that you won't be able to fall for someone else, so you don't bother search. you thought he'll come back to you. so you keep waiting, waiting, and waiting... years by years went away until you finally realized that he won't come back. he already opened his new chapter with someone else.

hurt. betrayed. denial. rejected. and those negative thoughts started to possessed into your brain. how can someone is cruel enough to do this such thing to me ? how can ? how can a couple who used to be inseparable built this long and faraway gap ? how can he opened his chapter without bother waiting for me ? how can he moved on when i'm still waiting at the same page ?

the longer you fall in love with someone, the more you can easily forgive that someone's mistake. cause you thought 'he had done something more hurting than this, if i'm able to continue our relationship in the past, why couldn't i do it again?' so you became numb. numb for every pain he had done. because when you've felt in love with some too long, the only important thing for you is to be with him. and nothing else matter. nothing. not even love. not even pain. and not even happiness...

and i came to this, my awareness. i've waited too long. he gave me too many unfulfilled promises. he turned me into someone i'm not, a numb person. numb enough until she didn't realize that you've hurt her so often. numb enough until she defended you in front of her best friends. numb enough until she sacrificed her time to wait for you.

the most difficult part of moving on is to fall in love, again. putting all the positive thought, courage, and trust to keep moving forward. having a positive thought that this time won't end like the last time, that this time, my relationship will lasts, forever. giving yourself a courage to give them a part in your heart, courage to keep moving forward. and the last is to trust them, trusting them to take a good care of your heart. trusting this relationship. and trusting yourself.

so this is my awareness, he might be worse than you, he might doesn't know a lot about me like you do, he might won't catch me when i fall, but he makes me feel like i'm alive. he finally makes me feel the love i found in you 3 years ago. he might going to give me a major pain just like what you've given to me. but that's okay. that's love. love is about giving someone their happiness, to be with them through all conditions, and sometimes, giving them pain. so they can be stronger.

It's okay to be in pain or any other negative feeling. but never numb

p.s: as usual, re-read this post while listening to John Mayer's song titled "I'm Gonna Find Another You" fit for those who wanted to move on! :p

One Step Closer

“are you still in love with her ?” | “that was my fault… I shouldn’t asked her to wait for me”

That was the beginning of this thought. A very clear and , for me, the most mature thing I could ever think of. Loving someone with all of your heart, hoping them to loves you back. To look at you in the eyes, the same way you look at them. Hoping that you’re going to spend the rest of your days with the person you love. Endless conversation, endless laugh, wiping tears together, tears of happiness, cause you thought you’ve finally met the one. The one who’ll make you feel that this life is a wonderful place. The one who’ll share all their secrets to you. The one you could rely on. The one… your only exception. To finally live in your very own fairytale, with him.

But this isn’t a fairytale. God, and so does life, taught us to work hard before we finally get something. Something that really belong to us. Something that only we know how beautiful it is. Something that will stay in our hand, forever. just like a road, this life has some twists, straight, smooth, hard, pebbles, and even a big perforated ways. The difference between life and road is, life doesn’t have the feedback road. You can’t turn around and re-do your mistakes. You could only ask the “IF ONLY” questions to yourself, asking God how can a really beautiful dream could turn into the worst nightmare ever. But all of those questions will only drag you down. Those ‘IF ONLY’ questions are meaningless unless you promise yourself not to repeat all of those mistakes you’ve done in your past. So that you’ll live freely without “If Only” sign in your mind. So that you don’t have to regret and wondering what will your life be if you did something different in your past.

And yes, you’ve done a few or maybe a lot mistakes in your past. And just like road, if you don’t keep moving on, you’ll never reach your destination, where the real happiness, laugh, tears of happiness, and smile waiting for you. You don’t have to pretend anymore. Everyone has their period. Cry, when you’re sad. Smile, when you’re happy. You don’t need to put a wire cable which will force you to keep smiling, even when you don’t feel so. Why force yourself to feel something you don’t really feel ? why force yourself to show people that you’re fine when you’re not ? This is life, not a role-play. You’re free to show your real emotion. Scream, cry, mad, if it necessary.

In this road of life, not everyone will loves you back. Or maybe they were and they changed their mind. And it’s not your fault. It’s useless to keep blaming yourself because of those silly people who don’t respect your love. Yes, you still in love with them. But think again, why would you keep begging someone to love you when they don’t even realize what you have for them ? why would you stay on their track when they don’t even want you ? why ? I know, and I understand, I’ve been there. i even still there. It’s hard. To stop loving someone after all those dreams about spending your life with them. After those fantasies about living your fairytale with your prince. But if you truly loves someone. Then you’ll know, you’ll know that if they changed their mind. Maybe, maybe that this is the best. You don’t need to change your mind too. Love them. Love them with all of your heart. Stay, for a while. Keep following on their track. But then, move. Drive away, drive away to your own track. So you’ll reach your destination.

Like I said before, why would you force yourself to feel something you don’t really feel ? why force yourself to stop loving someone when your heart says the opposite ? Stay, but not too long. Take a breath. Take a very deep and long breath. Your heart needs a break. A long one maybe. Why should we keep moving on when our heart still hurts, still bleeding, still expecting for something, and still loving someone ? stay. Wait. Wait until your heart finally says “yes, I’m ready. I’m ready to fall for someone. I’m ready to run. I’m ready to drive away from him. I’m ready to feel the real happiness. I’m ready to live my life without him. I’m ready to leave him behind.” And you finally realize that he’s only your past and that you won’t be able to re-live those feelings you have before. And for the last time, cry. It’s not because you’re a maudlin person. Cause you know and promise, that this is the last time, the very last time you would shed your tears for him. Because you finally realize, that he’s just another perforated road in your life. Your fuel has finally pointing at the ‘full’ sign. Means you’re ready. Ready to move.

And when you’re moving, look back, not with tears, not with the regret look, but look back with a very proud smile. Because you’ve past one of the hardest chapter in your life. Because you’ve managed yourself to keep moving on. Because you’ve done your best to solve the problem. Because you know that that was just one of the lessons that will bring you to the brighter future. The real wonderful life. The life, the dream, the reality which won’t turn into a nightmare, like before. Because you’ve left him. The ghost in your nightmare.

Be proud of yourself. Smile, not for anyone else, but for you. Smile. Take a break. Then take a shot. Give love one more shot. Give love another shot. No one knows the future. But happy ending surely exist. Maybe not like your fantasy. Maybe you won’t live in a fairytale. Cause honestly, the real happiness isn’t in the fairytale. The real happiness is in reality.

“I’ve loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more”

p.s: re-read this post with A Thousand Years song from Christina Perri playing in your playlist, I’ve done that. And that surely made me feels better J

Just, Gently Say It

rough time. you know that moment when you just went melancholy for days just because someone. someone who might never put you in his mind. someone who don't even bother to realize your existences. been wondering, how can you cry over someone that doesn't even care bout you ? that doesn't want you in his life. that wasted you. someone who play you around. who say that he loves you but then leave tomorrow morning. someone who play sweet but then tell his friends that nothing happens between you two. someone who don't even get the guts to say that it all over. how can ?

it's amazing how someone's feeling could turn 180 degrees around just in a night. it's amazing how boys could play at girls but still act innocently sweet. it's amazing how some men treats girls correctly, while the rest are just bastards. this whole things makes me wonder, thinking bout how we used to be before we drown into this.

it's amazing how you treat someone so badly after a break-up. it's kinda funny how i used(or i thought i was) to be your special one, and now i'm nothing to you. i don't ask much, i just ask you to gently say that it's all over. so i don't have to wait anymore. so i don't have to hang on on this mirage relationship. so that i can say to my friends that you're an ex-lover, that you're just someone who i used to love, but clearly i was just a fool.

i wanted to call you jerk. i just don't have the guts. i wanted to slap you in the face and stab you so you know hurt it is. i wanted to hate you. but i guess i'm just a little chicken who still hiding behind its egg, afraid to face the new world. all i wanted is for you to realize that i'm still hanging to the same bullshit you told me yesterday. that i'm still believe in our fairy tale. that i'm still thinking that you're the one. but i guess... you were and will never realize that. so please, i ask you. please, gently tell me where this relationship will end up. just, gently tell me what you want, and i will sincerely accept. whether it's sweet or bitter. i'm ready for the consequences.

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Like We Used To

i thought, it would be so much easier to test myself first than comparing myself with your new girlfriend. so, let see the result :)

Do i watch your favorite movies? remember when we went to the Cinema and watched together ? :)

Do i hold you when you cry? i even will hug you when you're about to cry because of her :)

Do i let you tell me all your favorite parts? i'd love to hear your story over and over again :)

Do i sing to all your music? remember when we used to sing together ? :)

Do i do all these things? perhaps, if you simply give me another chance :)

and for you, his new girlfriend. please love him, please don't break his heart, please don't make him cry, please don't waste his love. like i used to :)

Will she love you like I loved you?

Will she tell you everyday?

Will she make you feel like your invincible

With every word she'll say

Can you promise me that this was right?

Don't throw it all away

Can she do all these things?

Will she do all these things?

Like we used to

just found out this interesting fact at my profile twitter. i reached out 2,222 epic followers and tweeted 30,030 randomly unimportant tweets :)

Goodbye is too hard for me

i'm feeling exactly just like the title above. being up and down by relationship things is sucks. like, you don't know what to do when you stuck with your date. stuck in the middle of feeling love and bored. and sometimes, you just don't think clearly when you made a decision.

let someone in into your life isn't as easy as i might thought. it's hard especially when you already like the person. confuse to choose which one is brighter and happier, past or future. stuck in the middle of your lifetime

i know people always say "don't look back, just be worry about your future". saying is easy, but doing is hard. i know i've been dating with someone else after i broke up with you. but it still hard to know that i can't forget you. it's been 7 months and i still wondering what you're doing.

i've promised to my self not to think about you anymore. but i just can't. maybe it just me, or you're the one who've been really amazing ? and perhaps, from now on i can keep moving forward and continuing my life as i try to erase my love. saying goodbye is hard, but whether i like it or not, i still have to say goodbye. you can't say hello without saying goodbye. so, i will say goodbye to you as soon as i can. but maybe not now, cause you know, i still love you XVII

spontaneously

you've been my best friend for at least 3 years.

been my boyfriend for 8 months.

it's been 7 months since our dissever.

i still love you.

i love you as my best friend either my boyfriend.

you brought happiness and also sadness into my life.

i love you when you made me smile.

and i still love you when you made me cry.

that just the way i love you.

you're not my first one.

neither my last one.

but when you're lonely and got no one to share.

you know you can always share me your stories

you're life is a part of my life too.

your smile makes me smile.

so i'll wait for you.

no matter how long will it takes.

just make me sure sure that you'll love me too.

another downpour rain

.it's raining outside. as you may know, i hate rain.

.still can't figure it out why i hate rain.

.but thanks to rain, because of you i can think more clearly and keep it calm.

.everybody seems like to share and quoted about love.

.while i still stuck to know what love is.

.for me, love is already endangered.

.since i can't find any other love in this world.

.yeah well, besides my family and my friends's love of course.

.still stuck in the middle of B's labyrinth.

.and can't find my way back home.

.everybody told me to find the way.

.but i just, can't.

remember the day when you make me laugh ?

i guess that's it.

p.s: sorry for sensor-ing ur face

i swear i miss you

sweet

25 thing i'd do if you're my girlfriend :

1. Make you smile when you are down
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice
3. Stick up to you, but still respect your independence
4. Give you the remote control everytime we watch tv
5. Come up behind you and put my arms around you
6. Play with your hair
7. My hand will always find your hand
8. Be cute when i really want something
9. Offer you plenty of massages
10. Dance with you, even if i feel like a dork
11. Never run out of love
12. Be funny, but know when to be serious
13. Realize im being funny when i need to be serious
14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready
15. React so cutely when you hit me, though it actually hurts
16. Smile a lot
17. Plan a romantic date full of things i wouldnt normally do because i know it means a lot to you
18. Appreciate you
19. Help others out
20. Drive for hours just to see you
21. Always give you a kiss when you leave, even when my friends are watching
22. Sing even if i cant
23. Always try to make you laugh
24. Stare at you
25. Call for no reason

got it from dochi's blog. look how sweet he is. i've been missing the same guy for 3 months, and asking God to have some who'd replace him. but no answer. i still love him for sure. but who knows what will happen huh ?

can i choose ?

there's power in all of the choices we make. but we can't choice to who we're gonna fall in love. love is blind. so do i. got lost at love and never want to come back. i don't even think to regret it. cause when love comes, everything's change. your life seems to be brighter when you're in love. am i right ? but every decision have their own risk. and the risk will teach us to fall better. when you try and failed, try harder, then you'll fall better

when you lost your love. it's not the end of the world. cause i knew that 'happy ending' does exist in this life. so when you get your bad ending, that isn't the ending yet. it just the ending of the chapter, then we have to live another chapter.

he might be a perfect human being. he's all i ever wanted. but i can't fall in love with him. why ? cause he might be perfect, but he's not into me, he's into somebody else. love doesn't need a perfect guy to get over him. that's the point of this life right ? no body perfect. so do i. and if love somebody else that isn't perfect, we can complete each other, am i right ?

yeah so if i can choose to whom i'll fall in love, i'll choose an actor or soccer player. but look at my ex(es) they're just a simple complex human being. they just ordinary people with his every positive and negative sight. and i do love them.

adn when you broke up with your date. remember to remember them. don't forget them. don't expect them to stay. learn how to life without them. fall in love is easy, but to move on from one to other love is hard, yeah i know that. but you still in love with them, tell them that you love them. hold them tight, don't let them go.

so, i don't have much words to say anymore, sooo i'll see you guys later ? just stay tune, alright ?

"If we make each other happy, then we just can't lose" - Chocolate High (India Arie)

"Tell me how to win your heart for I haven't got a clue but let me start by saying I love you"-Hello (Lionel Richie)

"My friends say I’m a fool to think that you’re the one for me"-Love Me(Justin Bieber)

"I don't need another woman, i just need your all and nothing"-With You(Chris Brown)

"There's never a reason i'm happy with me my life's not in mission I'm ok with who I'm being"-All I Can Be Is Me (Ne-Yo)

"A word's just a word until you mean what you say. and love isn't love until you give it away" - Send It On (Disney's artist)

cinta

cinta, sering banget ada dalam pikiran kita. sebenernya cinta tuh apa sih ?

- cinta itu bebas. bebas dalam hal segalanya. bebas layaknya burung. lo pantes dicintai dan mencintai. gaperlu ada syarat tertentu untuk mencintai orang lain, begitu juga sebaliknya. bebas seperti orang yang lo pilih buat lo cintai itu bebas. terserah orang lain mau bilang lo cocok, ngga, apakek. kalo lo udah cinta, apa lo masih mau dengerin kata-kata mereka ?
- cinta itu berarti kesenangan. cinta ngebawa lo dalam kesenangan tersendiri. senang bukan berarti lo gabakal nangis. lo bisa nangis karna lo takut kehilangan orang yang dicintai, menurut gue itu suatu kesenangan tersendiri. senang ngga harus kok disimbolin sama tawa, senyum. asal hati lo seneng walaupun luarnya lo nangis, menurut gue itu cara Tuhan sendiri untuk nagsih tau bahwa senang itu ngga selamanya indah
- cinta itu indah. indah, cinta itu indah. karna cinta kalo bisa digambarkan bakal jadi gambar bunga , pemandangan dan semuanya sangat indah. indah , mungkin awalnya lo emang bakal ngehadapin masa-masa ngga indah itu di cerita cinta lo. tapi indah itu ada saatnya.kayak lo kerja, lo ngga mungkin langsung jadi bos atau dipuji bos. lo harus berusaha untuk ngedapetin indah dari cerita lo itu
- cinta itu 1000 kata. iya, kalo misalnya gue sebutin satu-satu apa itu cinta.mungkin ngga bakal ada habisnya. cinta tuh kayak pelangi. abis hujan badai terus muncul pelangi yang indah. cinta itu dari a-z dari 1-~ dari F1-F12 dari sabang-marueke.

lo ngga pernah tau kapan cinta bakal dateng. lo ngga pernah tau kapan lo harus ngejar cinta itu sendiri. ngga perlu gengsi kalo emang yang lo cinta itu jauh derajat nya dari lo kejar aja kalo lo emang cinta. kayak yang gue bilang tadi, cinta tuh bebas, ngga kenal waktu,tempat,derajat,uang,wajah,dll. ngga perlu malu untuk ngejar cowo duluan.lo mau ngejar gengsi tapi akhirnya lo malah nyesel karna lo dulu ngga mau ngejar cowo idaman lo cuma garagara takut dikata0katain ?

cinta... gue (setidaknya merasa) pernah jatuh cinta, tapi sekarang gue udah putus sama dia. dia sahabat gue selama 3 tahun terakhir ini, dia nemenin gue dalam dukasuka sebagai kekasih udah setengah tahun. ya gue akuin, gue masih sayang bangat sama dia sampe detik ini. waktu sama dia gue ngerasa aman, nyaman, hangat, terlindungi, cinta. ya dia yang tau selukbeluk gue gimana. dan yang gue ambil dari hubungan gue sama dia itu banyak orang bilang gue sama dia ngga cocok, kayak air sama susu langit sama bumi. tapi buktinya gue sama dia bertahan setengah tahun lebih. banyak yang bilang "wip lo bego ya? dia udah nyakitin lo tapi kenapa lo masih tahan sih sama dia?" ya gue tau kok kalo dia (mungkin) mainin gue. gue juga ga buta kok, tapi ya cinta gimana dong ? asalkan gue bisa ngeliat dia senyum gue juga seneng kok. dia itu segalanya buat gue(dulu) tapi sekarang doi udah ada yang lain (mungkin) gue cuma ngga mau muna, gue masih sayang sama lo.that's it

jangan dengerin orang lain kalo lo emang mau ngerasain indahnya cinta iu sendiri. orang lain mungkin salah , tapi kata hati lo selalu bener. jagan malu untuk ngejar cinta lo, karna kesempatan ngga dateng 2 kali. kalo orang bilang "cinta ngga usah dicari, nanti juga dateng sendiri" itu salah ! jangan percaya, cari cinta itu sampe lo ngerasa kalo (s)he's the one for me

never knew i needed

(ooh) for the way you changed my plans
for being the perfect distraction
for the way you took the idea that i have
of everything that i wanted to have
and made me see there was something missing (oh yeah)

for the ending of my first begin
and for the rare and unexpected friend
for the way you're something that i never choose
but at the same time something i don't wanna lose
and never wanna be without ever again (oh oh)

you're the best thing i never knew i needed
so when you were here i had no idea
you're the best thing i never knew i needed
so now it's so clear i need you here always

my accidental happily (ever after) (oh oh oh)
the way you slime and how you comfort me (with your laughter)
i must admit you were not a part of my book
but now if you open it up and take a look
you're the beginning and the end of every chapter (oh oh)

you're the best thing i never knew i needed (oh)
so when you were here i had no idea
you're the best thing i never knew i needed (that i needed)
so now it's so clear i need you here always

who'd knew that i'd be here (who'd knew that i'd be here oh oh)
so unexpectedly (so unexpectedly oh oh)
undeniablely happy (hey)
said with you right here, right here next to me (oh)

girl you're the..
you're the best thing i never knew i needed (said i needed oh oh)
so when you were here i had no idea
you're the best thing i never knew i needed (needed oh)
so now it's so clear i need you here always
baby baby
now it's so clear i need you here always

risin black hole - think of love

sometimes I wanna give you all the love that I have
coz when you smile it seems all problems are vanished to the sky

oh I.. was thinking
Why I need you more..
Why I need you more..

Sometimes I wanna give you all the time that I have
coz when u die my world come tumbling down in front of me.
Oh I.. was thinking
Why I need you more
each day..

when I think of love
I just think of you
I said I want you want you
to be my wife
when I think of love
I just think of you
I said I want you want you
to be my wife

Sometimes i wanna give u all the love that i have, coz u ain't say nothing, when i wanna share my life with u,oh i was thinking. why i need you more.Would u marry me?

when I think of love
I just think of you
I said I want you want you
to be my wife
When I think of love
I just think of you
I said I want you want you
to be my wife
When I think of love (when I think of love)
I just think of you
I said I want you want you
to be my wife
When I think of love (When I think of love)
I just hink of you
I said I want you want you
to be my wife

what a beautiful song and lyrics telling about someone praying to God to his date want to marry him. i love the lyric actually, so pure of love. and you should download the song too. their acoustic is amazing !

"a moment like this, some people wait a life time, for a moment like this, some people search forever, for that one special kiss, oh, i can't believe it's happening to me, some people wait a lifetimefor a moment like thison Friday" i got this quote from my friend named princess diana nurhayati

got 3 wonderful thing in this wonderful world =)

first, my beloved boyfriend, who always support me =) thanks boy
second, my beloved family. who always love me no mater what =)
third , my bestbest friend. who always listen to my story and give some advice =)

love you guys, you all rock !

at sunday i went to pim and bought a really nice animal print cardigan and studded acid wash skirt =) and it's kinda cheap i think. photos later ya babe. anyway, today i had saman class. it's a traditional dance from Aceh, it's really fast and kinda difficult but i like it !. so it's about midnight at Jakarta. but i want to tell you about my biography .

D.O.B : 20 may 96'
relationship status : IAR
A/S/L: 13/female(ofcourse)/Jakarta, BSD
fave colour : red, black, soft pink, pastel, white, all the colours
religion : islam, always Amin
fave fashion icon : agyness deyn (give me a LOT of idea), diana rika sari, many more
fave magz : girlfriend, nylon, gog!rl, looks, elle, many more
fave band /singer :2nd hand serenade, colbie caillat, RAN, many more

what else ? oww so you not enough with that info ? then you can know me more at my twitter you follow me right here or there

thanks, love, hug, kiss